Monday, February 1, 2010
Little Baby Naughty Pants
Once upon a time, there was a child named Little Baby Naughty Pants. Some of the time, Little Baby Naughty Pants was a sweet little snuggly cuddly bundle of love. But sometimes, she was just, well, naughty.
She threw books down the stairs.
She broke her mommy’s necklaces.
She stole her sister’s American Girl doll.
She hid her mommy’s moisturizer in the hamper.
She unloaded cabinets and hid measuring cups and ate crayons.
“I don’t want to wear the red pants; I want pink pants instead,” she would say. (Except she couldn’t really talk, so she would scream “Eh eh eh” and take off the red pants every time her mommy put them on her and point at the dresser drawer until her mommy found the pants she wanted.)
Her mommy said, “I don’t know what to do with this baby.”
Her daddy said, “I don’t know what to do with this baby.”
Her sister said, “I don’t know what to do with this baby.”
One night Little Baby Naughty Pants was especially naughty.
While her mommy was cleaning the kitchen, she opened the refrigerator and threw the sesame garlic sauce across the room. So Mommy said, “Go see what Daddy is doing.”
Daddy was hanging new mini-blinds. “Mommy!” called Daddy. “Little Baby Naughty Pants keeps sticking her nose in my butt crack. Get her out of here.”
So Mommy said, “Let’s go see what your sister is doing.”
“Mommy!” called Sister. “Little Baby Naughty Pants keeps trying to steal my Nintendo DS. Get her out of here.” So Little Baby Naughty Pants stole two purses from her sister, and Mommy took her up to the family room.
Little Baby Naughty Pants grabbed Daddy’s papers and grading pen off the table and started coloring. Mommy stopped her and took her back up to the kitchen. Daddy gave Little Baby Naughty Pants a washable marker to keep her busy, so she colored all over the kitchen floor.
She screamed in her sister’s ears. She threw books across the room.
Her mommy said, “This baby is driving me nuts.”
Her daddy said, “This baby is driving me nuts.”
Her sister said, “This baby is driving me nuts.”
Finally, Mommy said, “I think this baby is tired.”
So Mommy put Little Baby Naughty Pants to bed, where she slept all night.
And all was well with the world…
Until the next morning, when Little Baby Naughty Pants woke up bright and early, and it started all over again.